Secrets of of a Long MarriageA
​t the risk of being presumptuous, and because we're often asked for our questionable wisdom on having met in 1968, here are 15 observations.

.Disclaimer: 

Based on a true story.
​Opinions are highly subjective.

Humor: 
A marriage without laughter is big trouble. The world can be oppressive, but it is also amazing and outlandish. People are ridiculous. Everybody wants your money. If you’re both still alive and are able to provoke a regular chortle or guffaw, that’s sheer good fortune. Misbehave regularly.

Love: Of course chemistry, admiration, need, respect, communication, and such things are key. But in truth, love is born out of chemistry and shaped through time. Two other opinions: overpriced engagement rings shouldn't be imperative. A little jealousy in marriage can be invigorating.

Sex: I say lust can unapologetically be the core of a good marriage. If that is the case, realize that while sex is handy for procreation, it evolves into comic opera. Adultery is a word forced on us by the church and way over-stigmatized. But what do I know? Work it out for yourself.

Friendship: 
Your partner is often the person who sees you the way you want to see yourself, so it is nice when they are your best audience. That’s a lot to be thankful for because you may not be as interesting as you think.

Autonomy: You want that your partner will be like you. It does not happen.

Patience: If you’re going to stay together for 438,290 hours, then that one hour where you’re really pissed off is pretty insignificant.

Reinvention: If you are lucky, you will both become at least three other people over four decades.

Variety: Predictability is numbing

Curiosity: From a vacation in Rome to talking to the guy who collects bottles from your trash, it’s all fascinating. You are lucky, and you have someone to ask why and how everything.

The Arts: It generates conversation that isn’t about whether you cleaned the grill, walked the dog, or saw the Game. If you don’t read, life is much harder. All the better if you see the inside of a theater or museum A LOT.

Physical Activity: 
It helps to regularly, or even occasionally, do anything together until you are feeble: hike, bike, tennis, or practice yoga until the body rebels.
Vanity: 
Take care of yourself, and try to look good without surgery. We all eventually end up with, as Phillip Roth calls it, “the external body that time has bestowed,” not to mention that we will “get the faces we deserve.’

Friends: 
It’s great that so many long-term friendships survive. Others revive, are rediscovered, or revisited. New friends don’t threaten anything. Have your own pals and maybe another best friend because you don’t really tell your spouse everything – I hope.

Family: 
You marry into one, but it’s not the be-all, end-all. It takes too many forms and, let’s face it, you won’t like everyone. Family happens whether with kids or not, but for us, kids are the best, funniest, most interesting and challenging thing that ever happened.

Compassion: 
This is the bottom line.

THINGS TO AVOID
Ceremony: 
To each his own. but I never wore a ring, and we always forget our anniversaries. Wedding parties are nice, but bridesmaids and bachelor parties weren’t part of our getting started. Baptism? My kids were NOT born in sin. Bar/Bat Mitzvahs. 

Religion: Whatever works for you is dandy because for an atheist this is irrelevant, but pious self-righteousness is unforgivable in god’s eyes. (he said ironically)

Wealth: What is “rich”? It’s likely you will never get there.
So here’s where you can spout your own clichés about real wealth not being about money.

Boredom: 
Never be bored. Period. Travel anywhere.

Competition: Education and jobs needn’t be a competition. Be a lifelong learner.

Platitudes:
 Affirmations, aphorisms, and sayings and so forth sound good and they mean well, but require nothing but hot air. The same is true or much social media. Action speaks louder. Get off Facebook and do something that actually embodies your favorite Dalai Lama quote or progressive politics.
(I have zero advice for haters or conspiracy people)